ruled by the ego

Are you ruled by the ego?

In Psychology by IVORY Magazine6 Comments

One of the main signs you’re being led by your ego is the need to always be right. In most cases this is involuntary, and it’s especially hard to notice if you’re not aware of how the ego operates.

The ego is something we create. It’s a combination of all the beliefs we have about who we are. These are constructed beliefs and actually create a false identity. According to Freud, the ego is the part of us that prevents us from acting on our basic urges, but it also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards. It is often the strongest part of our personalities and plays a key role in creating emotional drama in our lives.

Here are some signs you’re being led by the ego:

1. You feel the urge to interrupt people to make a point. The ego is always hungry for attention, so when it notices that you’re missing on a great opportunity to jump in and make a point, it will act.

2. You can’t pay attention during a conversation. When you’re ruled by the ego, it’s really hard to genuinely listen. Most of the time you’re just waiting for a break to tell your version or to point something out.

3. You are not open to ideas, criticism or opinions. The ego is not looking for outside influence or assistance. It is the king of its realm. Whenever people approach you with new ideas or opinions, you’re most likely to quickly discard them.

4. You feel bad when you’re interrupted. When you have the urge to always be right, being interrupted is not acceptable. It’s rude! Unless you’re the one cutting other people off, of course.

5. You dislike being corrected or criticised. When you have no control over your ego, it will fatally give you what I like to call: the “Mr. Right” attitude. Mr. Right feels profoundly hurt when people say it to his face that he is wrong. Mr. Right can, and will, turn bitter when this happens.

6. Your relationship is in constant war mode. As I’ve pointed before, the ego is the supreme ruler of its world. You don’t need to think too hard to understand how terrible this could be for relationships.

These are just a few examples. When you really think about it, the need to be right is nothing but a waste of time and energy. I love this quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer:

“Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”

Give it up! You don’t need the attention. And you certainly don’t need to prove anything to others. Many of us have the false belief that giving up the need to always be right means we’re accepting what’s wrong. That’s absolutely not true. It means that you’ve stopped worrying. Seeking approval is no longer a necessity.

How others perceive you is their problem, and that’s a beautiful place to be. Be kind and let go. Let others be right. Whenever you feel the urge to jump in and prove a point, just nod and smile. Sometimes, the very best thing you can do is look others in the eyes, and listen. Let them know that you’re 100% there.

Right or wrong, who cares?

Article by Rod Gomes

Ibogaine psychotherapy

3 steps towards self love

IVORY MagazineAre you ruled by the ego?

Comments

  1. Brahmanjnana Nithya

    interrupting is not LISTENING to others because you are too busy thinking of what you are going to say. You don’t listen because you are wanting to speak. You want to speak because your heart chakra is blocked by the need for attention. You crave the attention of others because you are living in your head …or your thoughts …or your ego; but what will really fulfil you emotionally is listening and being listened to. Only when you listen from the heart can you respond authentically to what the other person is saying, however when you listen and respond from the heart the other person will listen to you and a real relationship can begin. So cultivate the habits of listening and friendliness and your heart will open and your relationships deepen.

    1. Rod Gomes

      Hi Brahmanjnana,

      I like the way you put it.

      Most of us have replaced the habit of listening, with mere “hearing”.

      Our attention span is getting shorter and shorter, it’s really important to cultivate the habit of listening from the heart, as you mentioned.

      Thanks for commenting, really appreciated.

      Have a great Sunday!

  2. Samsara

    This is wonderful and succinct.

    I loved the blending of #1 and #4 regarding interruption. So often people interrupt in innocence, maybe scared they will forget it later or so excited to relate, they cannot contain themselves.

    When I see a need to always assert the ego’s ‘look at me’ by interrupting someone else’s talking, I notice it’s often belonging to the same ego that becomes angry at the aforementioned interruption.

  3. Rod Gomes

    Hi Samsara,

    Thanks for your comment.

    “So often people interrupt in innocence, maybe scared they will forget it later or so excited to relate, they cannot contain themselves.”

    That’s a great point!

    Most of us will act out of excitement, and that’s natural. The way I see it, it’s important to be aware and to really get to know yourself, so you can spot the different between genuine excitement and the egotistical “look at me now”.

    The connection between #1 and #4 is easier to spot, but they’re all chained together–under the same ego.

    This is an amazing and complex subject, we could talk about it for hours. :)

    Have an amazing day!

    Rod

  4. Samsara

    Thanks Rod.

    But I wanted to say one more thing; Thank-you.

    I had never seen anyone acknowledge, before, that ‘interrupting’ and (anger at being) ‘interrupted’ could have the same common denominator. It had been one of these strange quirks in some people I’d noticed but never had the words to express.

    I’d notice the same person who’d be visibly shaken at having been interrupted, be the primary interrupter of others with no (apparent) second thought. So to see it here in black on white was something.

    And this is why I was so smitten with the ego connection.

    Now YOU have a great day, Rod!

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